Thursday, April 23, 2026
I AM IN MY ROOM CONDUCTING "MEDICAL MARIJUANA" RESEARCH ON PTSD
Trump admin reclassifies state-licensed marijuana
Trump Admin Reclassifies State-Licensed Marijuana
I see the headlines. I hear the noise. And somehow, it always circles back to me.
But let me be clear I’m not running to you.
Donald Trump, you wanted to be President. You reached that goal. You stood on the stage, took the oath, and fulfilled that dream. So tell me why should I feel the need to say another word?
Because I don’t.
What I do have is my own vision.
I don’t want politics. I don’t want attention. I want ownership. I want peace. I want to build something real a resort-style, all-inclusive property filled with life, music, culture, and opportunity. That’s my focus. That’s my dream.
Not this.
Not the mental exhaustion.
Not the pressure.
Not the constant feeling of being watched, analyzed, or pulled into something I didn’t sign up for.
I’ve been pushed to the edge mentally before. And I refuse to live there again.
There are things that weigh heavy on me names, memories, moments that don’t just disappear. Devonte. Kobe. Pain doesn’t fade because the world moves on. It stays, and sometimes it speaks louder than anything else.
And when it gets loud, I don’t run to politics I run to healing.
Yesterday, I bought herbs. Not for attention. Not for a statement. But because I needed to ground myself mind, body, and soul. That’s what this is about for me: survival, healing, and peace.
So when marijuana becomes the headline, don’t twist it into something bigger than it is. Don’t use it as a signal, a trigger, or a way to pull me back into conversations I’m not trying to have.
I’m not responding like that anymore.
If I have something to say, I’ll say it directly like I always have. Whether people agree or not has never stopped me before.
And let’s be honest I’m not hard to reach. I don’t need stages or spotlights. I can pick up a phone, send a message, or handle things privately like an adult. I don’t chase attention.
What I did ask for clearly was access to resources. Real ones.
Support for a woman-owned business.
Loans. Grants. Equipment. Operations.
Not charity. Not handouts. Opportunity.
And I didn’t send that request.
Why?
Because I’m not begging.
Not you. Not anyone.
So if the question is what triggers me it’s not headlines. It’s not politics. It’s not even you.
It’s exhaustion.
I’m tired of being tired.
Tired of the noise.
Tired of the pressure.
Tired of feeling like I have to respond to things that don’t align with my purpose.
Because at the end of the day, I know what matters to me.
Building something meaningful.
Protecting what’s mine.
Finding peace in a world that doesn’t always offer it freely.
You asked what means the most to me?
My life.
My family.
My sanity.
My future.
So while the world debates policies and headlines, I’ll be over here choosing myself.
And that’s not up for negotiation.
YOU LOOK WORRIED ABOUT ME... IF I DID NOT KNOW BETTER YOU LOOK LIKE YOU CARE
Tuesday, April 21, 2026
DANISH FAHEEM... "Thank You" for explaining
Stress management becomes nearly impossible when your nervous system has been rewired by chronic threat.
Most people who leave a narcissistic relationship (employment) expect to feel better once they are out (it is over). They did the hard thing. They got out. So why does the body keep reacting like the danger is still there? Why does a raised voice in a completely safe setting send the heart racing? Why is sleep still broken months later? Why does eating feel mechanical and appetite unpredictable?
Because the nervous system does not know the relationship is over. It is still running the survival program it built to keep you alive inside it.
Narcissistic abuse does not just damage emotions and self-worth. It physically alters how the nervous system functions. The brain shown in the center of this image, split between red and blue, lit up with stress signals running down through the body to the heart, represents exactly what prolonged psychological trauma does at a biological level.
Here is what is actually happening.
Chronic exposure to unpredictable behavior, intermittent affection and punishment, constant criticism, and emotional volatility keeps the nervous system in a near-permanent state of activation. The threat detection system, centered in the amygdala, gets stuck in high alert. Over time this stops being a response to specific events and becomes the baseline. The body is no longer reacting to a threat. It is just always ready for one.
The surrounding panels show the real-world consequences of this. Lying awake unable to sleep despite exhaustion. A heart rate that spikes without obvious reason. Anxiety sitting in the chest constantly. Difficulty eating or loss of appetite. Emotional numbness or sudden overwhelm. Headaches. Hypervigilance in ordinary situations that feel inexplicably threatening.
These are not signs of weakness or a failure to move on. They are the documented physiological aftereffects of sustained trauma on a human nervous system.
Narcissistic abuse does not end when the relationship ends. It continues in the body until the nervous system is specifically and deliberately helped to regulate again.
Here is what actually supports recovery.
→ Understand that what you are experiencing is a physical response, not a character flaw. Naming it correctly is the first step to treating it correctly.
→ Work with a therapist who specializes in trauma and somatic approaches. Talk therapy alone often misses the body-based symptoms. Approaches like EMDR and somatic experiencing are specifically designed for this.
→ Build safety signals into your daily routine. Predictable, calm, consistent experiences teach the nervous system over time that the threat has passed.
→ Prioritize sleep regulation even when sleep feels impossible. Short walks, reduced screen time before bed, and consistent wake times all support nervous system recovery.
→ Be patient with the timeline. The nervous system took months or years to shift into this state. Recovery does not happen in weeks and that is not failure.
→ Reduce unnecessary stress load during recovery where possible. Your system is already working overtime. Protect your energy intentionally.
Is there a physical symptom you have been carrying since a past relationship that you never connected to the relationship until right now?
The body keeps the record even when the mind has moved on.
THANK YOU GARY ENJOYED LAST NIGHT
GREAT WORK #NBA #EXPANSION
Thank You for Grabbing Me in Time
There comes a moment when you realize just how close you were to losing yourself.
Last night, I had one of those moments.
And somehow some way Gary Payton showed up right on time. Whether you understand it, believe it, or question it doesn’t matter. What matters is this: I felt seen in a moment where I was spiraling. I was confused. Disoriented. Overwhelmed by everything surrounding this latest chapter in my life.
I needed grounding and I got it.
Let me be clear for the record:
I am a great employee. I do a great job. I show up, I perform, and I produce results.
But there are two things you will never get away with when it comes to me:
1. Making sexual suggestions.
2. Playing with my money.
Everything else? On a good day, if my money is right, I might ignore the ignorance. But when disrespect, inappropriate behavior, and financial manipulation collide there is no conversation left to have. That’s my cue to walk away.
And I will walk away.
Another thing if you hire me for one role, keep it that way. Don’t move the goalpost after I’ve already stepped onto the field. Sales is sales. Customer service is customer service. Don’t blur the lines and then try to hold me accountable for confusion you created.
Anyone who truly knows me understands this:
I seek base pay plus commission because I take care of myself. I’ve earned that standard.
What hurts the most isn’t the job it’s the realization that I was willfully recruited into a situation that felt like a setup. Mind games. Pressure that didn’t feel organic. Anxiety that didn’t feel normal.
I cannot fully explain the panic I felt just getting ready for work only to later realize the pressure may have been intentional.
That’s not brilliance.
That’s not science.
That’s manipulation.
That’s a narcissistic need for control.
And when you recognize it for what it is you walk away.
Because one truth I stand on, and will continue to stand on, is this:
All money ain’t good money.
Right now, my focus is simple:
I need to close out old business before stepping into anything new. I refuse to carry chaos into my next chapter. Stability is not optional it’s necessary.
I’m sleeping through the night again.
I still have moments of panic but I’m getting better. Stronger. Clearer.
And for that, I’m grateful.
Gary… you answered when I needed it most. Before the game, before the noise, before the world could interrupt that moment mattered more than you know.
And if people can question how messages travel, how connections happen, or how energy moves well, I’ll just say this: creativity doesn’t need permission to exist.
Just ask Jonathan Jackson sometimes the message speaks for itself. He seriously put his phone on the podium, while I was texting... #really
As for everything else politics, public figures, influence I’m stepping away from those conversations entirely. With the passing of Jesse Jackson Sr., and everything surrounding Pope Francis, I’ve made a personal decision:
My relationship with prayer is mine.
My thoughts are mine.
My spiritual walk is mine.
And I expect that to be respected without influence, without pressure, without interference.
I’m healing.
I’m choosing peace.
And I’m choosing me every single time.
ARE YOU WILLING TO ADMIT "CRASHING OUT"
PTSD and Anxiety Are Real And There Is Nothing to Be Embarrassed About
There are things in life that change you forever.
Some pain doesn’t fade. It settles in your body, your mind, your spirit and you learn to live around it.
My son died in my arms due to gun violence.
There is no preparing for that. There is no “moving on” from that. There is only learning how to breathe again after something inside you has been taken.
So let me say this clearly for myself and for anyone reading:
PTSD and anxiety are real.
And there is nothing to be embarrassed about.
What PTSD Really Means
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is not just a term people throw around. It’s a real mental health condition that develops after experiencing or witnessing something traumatic something life-altering.
It can look like:
Flashbacks that pull you right back into the moment
Avoidance of anything that reminds you of the pain
Emotional numbness or overwhelming sadness
Anxiety that shows up without warning
Feeling constantly on edge, like something is about to happen
Sometimes it starts immediately. Sometimes it takes months or years.
But when it shows up, it shows up.
My Truth
I stayed silent for a long time.
Not because I didn’t feel anything but because I felt too much.
Shootings. Arguments. Fighting. Chaos. Confusion.
All of it triggers something deep inside me. And when it does, I isolate. I pull back. I protect myself the only way I know how.
That’s not weakness.
That’s survival.
Over time, I’ve developed my own system of coping what works for me. It may not look like everyone else’s healing, but it’s mine. And it keeps me here.
This Is My Talk Therapy
Writing is my therapy.
Speaking is my therapy.
Sharing is my therapy.
I know I’m not alone because many of you follow my journey not for perfection, but for honesty. I choose to be transparent, even when it’s uncomfortable, because silence nearly took me under.
What makes this journey harder isn’t the trauma itself it’s the responses from people who have never experienced it.
The insensitive comments.
The lack of understanding.
The casual dismissal of real pain.
That’s what makes my experience feel even more isolating at times.
Grief, Memory, and Choice
I made a decision a personal one.
I buried certain feelings about my son because I want him to have peace.
But let me be clear:
Choosing peace does not mean forgetting.
I will never forget the good times.
I will never erase his existence.
I will never allow his life to be reduced to something trivial or turned into entertainment.
Some things are sacred.
Some memories deserve respect.
Strength Looks Different Now
Strength for me doesn’t look like pushing through everything without emotion.
Strength looks like:
Sleeping through the night when I can
Acknowledging panic without letting it control me
Choosing peace over chaos
Walking away from environments that trigger me
Allowing myself to heal at my own pace
And most importantly
Getting stronger one day at a time, as long as God allows me another day.
A Final Thought
I’ve learned something watching the world:
Some people laugh at trauma because they’ve never had to sit in it.
I don’t judge them but I do recognize the difference.
Because when you’ve lived through something real, something that shakes your entire existence you don’t laugh.
You learn compassion.
You learn silence.
You learn respect.
To anyone reading this who is struggling:
You are not broken.
You are not weak.
You are responding to something that mattered.
And you are not alone.
I’m still here.
I’m still healing.
And I’m still choosing peace.
Monday, April 20, 2026
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Sunday's Signature Coconut Water Infused with Fruit
