I Don’t Know If It’s Day or Night… But I Know I’m Healing
I don’t even know if it’s day or night anymore.
This past week has been one of the most draining, challenging, and mentally testing weeks I’ve had in a long time. The kind of week where your body is present, but your mind is trying to catch up. My biggest struggle?
Honestly… just keeping track of time. Day blurred into night, and night rolled right back into morning.
I’ve been waking up at 3:00 am, training my brain to align with East Coast deadlines posting, planning, executing then turning right around and handling everything else life requires of me. My work schedule and personal life have completely shifted, and I’m doing my best to keep up without losing myself in the process.
And if I’m being honest… I’m doing too much.
I’ve been building a professional website, finding vendors, searching for capital, trying to balance business with a private life, and still showing up every day like nothing is heavy. But it is heavy.
And that’s okay to admit.
This week, I also completed the classes required to restore my driving privileges. I won’t lie I’m not excited about driving again. But it’s necessary. It’s part of rebuilding.
I’m taking my time with creating my fleet because I understand what’s at stake. Gas prices are high, the market is unpredictable, and the economy feels unstable. Every decision matters right now. I’m not rushing I’m being intentional.
In the middle of all this… I got beautiful news.
I’m going to be a grandmother again!!!
My baby boy is having another baby, and my heart is full just thinking about it. Life has a way of balancing chaos with joy, and I’m choosing to hold onto that joy tightly.
Because after two years of being displaced… I can finally say I’m regaining my stability.
And that means everything.
But let me be real for a moment this week wasn’t just physically exhausting, it was mentally overwhelming. I’ve been dealing with stress, memories, and situations that forced me to revisit parts of my life I didn’t want to relive. During my sessions, I had to go all the way back to 2002 processing events, questioning things that still don’t make sense, and realizing how much confusion has surrounded certain moments in my life.
It’s a lot to carry.
And it made me realize something important: I am not exempt from life. None of us are.
We all go through trials. We all face moments that test our sanity, our strength, and our spirit. And I’m not ashamed to say that my mental health has taken a hit this week. Lack of sleep, emotional overload, constant pressure it adds up.
I have not had a full night’s sleep all week.
So right now, I’m choosing me.
I’m choosing rest. I’m choosing peace. I’m choosing to step back from constant content, constant noise, and constant expectations. I need time to let my brain process everything that’s been happening.
And I’m giving myself permission to do exactly that.
I’m sleeping until my body feels rested.
I’m eating until my body feels nourished.
I’m drinking water until my soul feels replenished.
And most importantly I’m protecting my energy.
This version of me might feel different to some people. Quieter. More reserved. But this is growth. I’m stepping into a “speak only as needed” lifestyle.
My mindset now is simple:
Why am I talking… and is it worth my time?
Because time is valuable. Energy is valuable. And peace? That’s priceless.
I’m not entertaining negativity. I’m not engaging in distractions. I’m not feeding into anything that doesn’t align with where I’m going. I know who I am. I know what I’m building. And I know what I deserve.
So if I seem distant, understand it’s not personal.
It’s intentional.
To anyone reading this who feels overwhelmed, exhausted, or mentally drained I see you. Take your time. Rest. Reset. You don’t have to have everything figured out overnight.
Give yourself grace.
I promise… I’ll be back soon.
But right now, I’m choosing me.
KEY POINTS:
During my sessions, I learned I was arrested for DUI on my way to buy beer, nothing was documented about my car crashing into a truck, my brakes being cut, not even a breathe test to see if I was drinking ( I was not).
My brakes were cut and I collided into a 18 wheeler truck which actually saved my life.
As I listened to the instructor trying to justify my being present, he presented questions even I could not answer.
Similar to the incident at Santa Monica pier establishing this pattern.
How hateful can you be to cause all of this confusion and chaos, and for what???
How diminted can you be to act so hateful and ungrateful? I honestly care less about Scottie his feelings or emotions.
I can easily forget that I know him with a smile, his ignorance does not affect my relationship with others in the NBA, his reckless jealous rants only justify his ignorance proving why I don't waste my time.
You keep chasing me looking for attention for him, you can stop! I never have, nor will I ever feed into his childish behavior.
Furthermore, this is the same individual who betrayed Jordan, and you expect him to be loyal? Your as delusional as he is, that individual does not have any relevance in my life, I promise.
Now, I pray that you are as focused on restoring your mental health and well-being as I am.
Giving myself permission to rest.
