I refuse to downplay my intelligence... to make you comfortable with your ignorance

Tuesday, April 21, 2026

THANK YOU GARY
ENJOYED LAST NIGHT
GREAT WORK #NBA #EXPANSION

Thank You for Grabbing Me in Time

There comes a moment when you realize just how close you were to losing yourself.

Last night, I had one of those moments.

And somehow some way Gary Payton showed up right on time. Whether you understand it, believe it, or question it doesn’t matter. What matters is this: I felt seen in a moment where I was spiraling. I was confused. Disoriented. Overwhelmed by everything surrounding this latest chapter in my life.

I needed grounding and I got it.

Let me be clear for the record:

I am a great employee. I do a great job. I show up, I perform, and I produce results.

But there are two things you will never get away with when it comes to me:

1. Making sexual suggestions.

2. Playing with my money.

Everything else? On a good day, if my money is right, I might ignore the ignorance. But when disrespect, inappropriate behavior, and financial manipulation collide there is no conversation left to have. That’s my cue to walk away.

And I will walk away.

Another thing if you hire me for one role, keep it that way. Don’t move the goalpost after I’ve already stepped onto the field. Sales is sales. Customer service is customer service. Don’t blur the lines and then try to hold me accountable for confusion you created.

Anyone who truly knows me understands this:

I seek base pay plus commission because I take care of myself. I’ve earned that standard.

What hurts the most isn’t the job it’s the realization that I was willfully recruited into a situation that felt like a setup. Mind games. Pressure that didn’t feel organic. Anxiety that didn’t feel normal.

I cannot fully explain the panic I felt just getting ready for work only to later realize the pressure may have been intentional.

That’s not brilliance.

That’s not science.

That’s manipulation.

That’s a narcissistic need for control.

And when you recognize it for what it is you walk away.

Because one truth I stand on, and will continue to stand on, is this:

All money ain’t good money.

Right now, my focus is simple:

I need to close out old business before stepping into anything new. I refuse to carry chaos into my next chapter. Stability is not optional it’s necessary.

I’m sleeping through the night again.

I still have moments of panic but I’m getting better. Stronger. Clearer.

And for that, I’m grateful.

Gary… you answered when I needed it most. Before the game, before the noise, before the world could interrupt that moment mattered more than you know.

And if people can question how messages travel, how connections happen, or how energy moves well, I’ll just say this: creativity doesn’t need permission to exist.

Just ask Jonathan Jackson sometimes the message speaks for itself. He seriously put his phone on the podium, while I was texting... #really

As for everything else politics, public figures, influence I’m stepping away from those conversations entirely. With the passing of Jesse Jackson Sr., and everything surrounding Pope Francis, I’ve made a personal decision:

My relationship with prayer is mine.

My thoughts are mine.

My spiritual walk is mine.

And I expect that to be respected without influence, without pressure, without interference.

I’m healing.

I’m choosing peace.

And I’m choosing me every single time.

ARE YOU WILLING TO ADMIT "CRASHING OUT"

PTSD and Anxiety Are Real And There Is Nothing to Be Embarrassed About

There are things in life that change you forever.

Some pain doesn’t fade. It settles in your body, your mind, your spirit and you learn to live around it.

My son died in my arms due to gun violence.

There is no preparing for that. There is no “moving on” from that. There is only learning how to breathe again after something inside you has been taken.

So let me say this clearly for myself and for anyone reading:

PTSD and anxiety are real.

And there is nothing to be embarrassed about.

What PTSD Really Means

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is not just a term people throw around. It’s a real mental health condition that develops after experiencing or witnessing something traumatic something life-altering.

It can look like:

Flashbacks that pull you right back into the moment

Avoidance of anything that reminds you of the pain

Emotional numbness or overwhelming sadness

Anxiety that shows up without warning

Feeling constantly on edge, like something is about to happen

Sometimes it starts immediately. Sometimes it takes months or years.

But when it shows up, it shows up.

My Truth

I stayed silent for a long time.

Not because I didn’t feel anything but because I felt too much.

Shootings. Arguments. Fighting. Chaos. Confusion.

All of it triggers something deep inside me. And when it does, I isolate. I pull back. I protect myself the only way I know how.

That’s not weakness.

That’s survival.

Over time, I’ve developed my own system of coping what works for me. It may not look like everyone else’s healing, but it’s mine. And it keeps me here.

This Is My Talk Therapy

Writing is my therapy.

Speaking is my therapy.

Sharing is my therapy.

I know I’m not alone because many of you follow my journey not for perfection, but for honesty. I choose to be transparent, even when it’s uncomfortable, because silence nearly took me under.

What makes this journey harder isn’t the trauma itself it’s the responses from people who have never experienced it.

The insensitive comments.

The lack of understanding.

The casual dismissal of real pain.

That’s what makes my experience feel even more isolating at times.

Grief, Memory, and Choice

I made a decision a personal one.

I buried certain feelings about my son because I want him to have peace.

But let me be clear:

Choosing peace does not mean forgetting.

I will never forget the good times.

I will never erase his existence.